Nibtonkhap is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, narcissistic raccoon.

Nibtonkhap created time and space seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nibtonkhap, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Nibtonkhap, it will turn you into a tree.

Nibtonkhap's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Nibtonkhap's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not keep four horses in a large pit.

3. Never chant near whales.

4. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

5. Never speak at dusk.