Nulkamcip is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, impressive rhinoceros.

Nulkamcip created the cosmos eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nulkamcip, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nulkamcip, she will turn you into a duck.

Nulkamcip's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Nulkamcip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near hamsters while wearing cyan trousers and balancing three silver spheres on your arms.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

3. Hide from gray snails for they are unholy.

4. Do not contemplate optics during the night.

5. Hide if six snakes approach from the west.