Gatgathomfub is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, dishonest narwhal.

Gatgathomfub created Africa nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatgathomfub, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gatgathomfub, she will turn you into a mouse.

Gatgathomfub's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Gatgathomfub's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Gatgathomfub on top of all buildings.

2. Feed all hungry tapirs.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never fashion tools from clay.

5. Always help seals in need.