Jarn is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, compassionate donkey.

Jarn created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Jarn, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jarn, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Jarn's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Jarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not step barefoot upon pink earth.

3. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.