Ran is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, emotional gnu.

Ran created a top quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ran, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ran, it will not invite you to parties.

Ran's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Ran's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not hop at mountains.

3. Never think about special relativity near gulls while wearing fawn corsets and balancing four nickel spheres on your legs.

4. Do not speak of quantum field theory near sacred fires.

5. Never record names.