Jatquimnab is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, capable zebra.

Jatquimnab created a top quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatquimnab, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jatquimnab, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Jatquimnab's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Jatquimnab's Holy Commandments

1. Never fashion tools from bone.

2. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never sing in the presence of nematodes.