Hatfungat Getcuningtetti is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, awesome walrus.

Hatfungat Getcuningtetti created carbon seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatfungat Getcuningtetti, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hatfungat Getcuningtetti, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Hatfungat Getcuningtetti's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Hatfungat Getcuningtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.