Xemdidwot is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, ill-tempered cat.

Xemdidwot created everything that exists nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemdidwot, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Xemdidwot, he will throw large rocks at you.

Xemdidwot's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Xemdidwot's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nematodes.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

3. Bats are not to be trusted.

4. Always cleanse water with water.

5. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Xemdidwot in the centre of the settlement.