Flabcumquam is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unthoughtful elephant.

Flabcumquam created time and space six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabcumquam, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flabcumquam, he will try to impress you with trees.

Flabcumquam's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Flabcumquam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Flabcumquam in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Never sing in spring.