Mapfenkar Wangodflap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, dishonourable octopus.

Mapfenkar Wangodflap created Africa eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapfenkar Wangodflap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Mapfenkar Wangodflap, he will turn you into a sheep.

Mapfenkar Wangodflap's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Mapfenkar Wangodflap's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Always remove shoes before touching lead.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not step barefoot upon turquoise earth.

5. Always stare at clouds.