Barnfothugcunkiktarg is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, omniscient armadillo.

Barnfothugcunkiktarg created a photon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnfothugcunkiktarg, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Barnfothugcunkiktarg, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Barnfothugcunkiktarg's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Barnfothugcunkiktarg's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never think about dark energy near cats while wearing purple shirts and balancing four carbon spheres on your chest.

3. Do not eat spinach.

4. Never carve symbols of moons into wood.

5. Never eat bark.