Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, omniscient aardvark.

Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Abrullstragloploopbesszaksag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt eagles.

2. Always act with humility.

3. Feed all hungry cats.

4. Never paint your legs red.

5. Do not study amino acids on holy days.