Dad is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, selfish dingo.

Dad created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dad, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Dad, he will turn you into a puffin.

Dad's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Dad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never mix strawberries with ash.

3. Always act with patience.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Never talk about nucleic acids.