Quillpangbat is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, kind gorilla.

Quillpangbat created vertebrates seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Quillpangbat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quillpangbat, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Quillpangbat's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Quillpangbat's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always help sick pigs.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Always wash your head before prayer.