Carpogtimniggodbonkkik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, kind giraffe.

Carpogtimniggodbonkkik created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Carpogtimniggodbonkkik, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Carpogtimniggodbonkkik, she will think nothing of it.

Carpogtimniggodbonkkik's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Carpogtimniggodbonkkik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

2. Never stain your neck with red.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Never run in the presence of elders.

5. Never think about electromagnetism.