Yardimmet is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, grumpy gorilla.

Yardimmet created a charm quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Yardimmet, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Yardimmet, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Yardimmet's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Yardimmet's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

2. Put Yardimmet first in all things.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.