Bimkinquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, emotional jaguar.

Bimkinquaf created tapeworms three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bimkinquaf, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Bimkinquaf, she will turn you into a hamster.

Bimkinquaf's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Bimkinquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about spinach.

2. Put Bimkinquaf first in all things.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always help badgers in need.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bimkinquaf.