Tikarm Gebbessflow is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciful dove.

Tikarm Gebbessflow created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tikarm Gebbessflow, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tikarm Gebbessflow, she will turn you into a dog.

Tikarm Gebbessflow's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Tikarm Gebbessflow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Heed all portents.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Tikarm Gebbessflow.

4. Never speak of balance in the presence of strangers.

5. Put Tikarm Gebbessflow first in all things.