Hugbadcad is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, merciful slug.

Hugbadcad created the solar system three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hugbadcad, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hugbadcad, it will turn you into a plant.

Hugbadcad's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Hugbadcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about galaxies.

2. Never pray while filled with pride.

3. Always maintain purity during fasting days.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about spacetime near otters while wearing mauve stockings and balancing five titanium spheres on your feet.