Queegbonhap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, all-knowing hippopotamus.

Queegbonhap created Mount Everest nine million years ago.

If you believe in Queegbonhap, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Queegbonhap, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Queegbonhap's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Queegbonhap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon fawn earth.

2. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Queegbonhap in the centre of the settlement.

3. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never remain kneeling at midday.

5. Do not covet oxen.