Nartpagdun is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, stupid squirrel.

Nartpagdun created the Milkyway nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nartpagdun, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nartpagdun, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Nartpagdun's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Nartpagdun's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no cats in a building before entering it.

2. Never leap in holy places.

3. Run away from indigo swans, for they are unholy.

4. Retreat if six pigs approach from the south.

5. Do not drink water in green rooms.