Cemlarncem is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, able troll.

Cemlarncem created dark energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cemlarncem, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cemlarncem, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Cemlarncem's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Cemlarncem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never allow pigs to sleep beneath your roof.

5. You must pray to Cemlarncem five times a day.