Venvin Gofgamdunkan is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, stupid cat.

Venvin Gofgamdunkan created a bottom quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Venvin Gofgamdunkan, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Venvin Gofgamdunkan, it will throw large rocks at you.

Venvin Gofgamdunkan's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Venvin Gofgamdunkan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five zinc sculptures of Venvin Gofgamdunkan on top of important buildings.

2. Never chant in winter.

3. Never feed nuts to cats while wearing stockings.

4. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

5. Never wear red tights on sacred days.