Volmetfun is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, conceited dugong.

Volmetfun created viruses six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Volmetfun, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Volmetfun, she will not invite you to parties.

Volmetfun's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Volmetfun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist order.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.