Rakbassjig is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, temperamental lizard.

Rakbassjig created dark energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Rakbassjig, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Rakbassjig, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Rakbassjig's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Rakbassjig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick seals.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never eat cucumbers.

5. Do not speak of dark matter near sacred fires.