Titsatcep is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, kind mongoose.

Titsatcep created the Sombrero Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Titsatcep, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Titsatcep, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Titsatcep's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Titsatcep's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in green.

4. Put Titsatcep first in all things.

5. Do not eat rice.