Arphatcidgabren is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, selfish hydra.

Arphatcidgabren created the Sol system two billion years ago.

If you believe in Arphatcidgabren, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Arphatcidgabren, he will destroy your home planet.

Arphatcidgabren's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Arphatcidgabren's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about chlorophyll.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not speak sacred words in summer.

4. Remain standing during prayer.

5. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.