Tipgatzan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, idiotic hippopotamus.

Tipgatzan created oxygen three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tipgatzan, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tipgatzan, he will jump up and down on your head.

Tipgatzan's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Tipgatzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.

3. Do not record signs concerning nebulae.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never talk about fire.