Bitjarngam is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, strong narwhal.

Bitjarngam created the planet Jupiter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bitjarngam, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bitjarngam, he will turn you into a mouse.

Bitjarngam's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Bitjarngam's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never record numbers.

3. Erect nine silicon sculptures of Bitjarngam on top of important buildings.

4. Never stain your neck with indigo.

5. Always remove scarves before touching zinc.