Zigbarnkam is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, prudent shark.

Zigbarnkam created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zigbarnkam, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zigbarnkam, he will not invite you to parties.

Zigbarnkam's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Zigbarnkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not utter prayers while touching zinc.

2. Never touch blood while blessed.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never bounce in winter.

5. Never carve symbols of moons into wood.