Wapkamruttloopsak is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, all-knowing goat.

Wapkamruttloopsak created the universe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wapkamruttloopsak, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Wapkamruttloopsak, he will destroy your home solar system.

Wapkamruttloopsak's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Wapkamruttloopsak's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Wapkamruttloopsak loves voles, so they must be honoured.

3. Never feed lots of carrots to great tits while wearing red scarves.

4. Never remain bowed at dawn.

5. Do not step barefoot upon magenta earth.