Tarpsagarfzen is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, unfair mongoose.

Tarpsagarfzen created dark matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpsagarfzen, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarpsagarfzen, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tarpsagarfzen's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Tarpsagarfzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with joy.

2. Remain kneeling during prayer.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

5. Do not fashion tools from silicon.