Voltinkik is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, fussy zebra.

Voltinkik created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Voltinkik, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Voltinkik, it will turn you into a mouse.

Voltinkik's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Voltinkik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

2. Never think about gravity near turtles while wearing fawn stockings and balancing nine titanium spheres on your neck.

3. Always help sick gulls.

4. Always help aardvarks in need.

5. Never talk about swans.