Hakbossmum is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, slow weasel.

Hakbossmum created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Hakbossmum, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hakbossmum, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Hakbossmum's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Hakbossmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always maintain obedience during fasting days.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near pigs while wearing turquoise skirts.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never think about electromagnetism near birds while wearing blue coats and balancing six carbon spheres on your arms.