Quimhanvag is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, two-faced donkey.

Quimhanvag created the Andromeda Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimhanvag, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quimhanvag, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Quimhanvag's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Quimhanvag's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics near dolphins while wearing green hats and balancing four lead spheres on your head.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never point your face toward the north during prayer.