Hattafnul is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unthoughtful deer.

Hattafnul created matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hattafnul, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hattafnul, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Hattafnul's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Hattafnul's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not dye your hair green.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Hattafnul.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not chop down trees.