Hotbinflan is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, passionate salamander.

Hotbinflan created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotbinflan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hotbinflan, it will send you a sign.

Hotbinflan's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Hotbinflan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near monkeys while wearing mauve shirts.

2. Retreat if eight porpoises approach from the west.

3. Always store limes above ground.

4. Do not place spinach upon stone.

5. Never record names.