Jatlantan is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, calm chinchilla.

Jatlantan created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatlantan, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jatlantan, it will turn you into a rat.

Jatlantan's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Jatlantan's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms orange.

2. You must love Jatlantan.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.