Lakcepcimgigragvab is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unthinking cow.

Lakcepcimgigragvab created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakcepcimgigragvab, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lakcepcimgigragvab, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Lakcepcimgigragvab's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Lakcepcimgigragvab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record secrets concerning asteroids.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Pray only in darkness.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Do not wear coats marked with magenta.