Tif is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, proud jellyfish.

Tif created a Higgs boson seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tif, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tif, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Tif's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Tif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study evolution by means of natural selection on holy days.

2. Never pray while filled with anger.

3. Do not speak of ultrasonics near sacred fires.

4. Do not dye your hair orange.

5. Never paint your arms black.