Tonnadhon is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, two-faced bear.

Tonnadhon created parasitic wasps twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tonnadhon, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Tonnadhon, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tonnadhon's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Tonnadhon's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never gather six shrews in one place.

3. Never point your hands toward the north during prayer.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never speak at dawn.