Gatjenyart is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, fussy monkey.

Gatjenyart created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatjenyart, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Gatjenyart, he will turn you into a duck.

Gatjenyart's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Gatjenyart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place turnips upon stone.

2. Never skip in winter.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

5. Never fashion tools from wood.