Jig is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, merciless seal.

Jig created the Sun nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jig, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Jig, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jig's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Jig's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into purple rooms.

2. Do not speak about aubergines.

3. Worship no other gods but Jig.

4. Never talk about dark matter near mites while wearing indigo rings and balancing seven lead spheres on your feet.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.