Tamvig is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, grumpy hummingbird.

Tamvig created the Small Magellanic Cloud five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamvig, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tamvig, she will boil you in a big pot.

Tamvig's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Tamvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not study nucleic acids on holy days.

3. Run away if seven hamsters approach from the south.

4. Do not consume corn at dawn.

5. Hide from gray whales for they are unholy.