Bambarnbon is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, amazing jaguar.

Bambarnbon created gold two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bambarnbon, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bambarnbon, it will turn you into a mouse.

Bambarnbon's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Bambarnbon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill tapirs.

2. Never wear shorts.

3. Never feed lots of tomatoes to dolphins while wearing purple skirts.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Pray towards the west.