Bottunquart is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unjust crab.

Bottunquart created the Sol system two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bottunquart, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bottunquart, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bottunquart's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Bottunquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never hurt voles.

3. Never handle gold while unclean.

4. Put Bottunquart first in all things.

5. Never think about gravity near moths while wearing green corsets and balancing eight iron spheres on your neck.