Pigmetzig is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, humane mole.

Pigmetzig created gold six billion years ago.

If you believe in Pigmetzig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Pigmetzig, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Pigmetzig's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Pigmetzig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of the strong nuclear force near sacred fires.

2. Never write about chlorophyll.

3. Do not keep nine shrews in a large pit.

4. Never mark doors with gray.

5. Do not trade with those who eat onions.