Tifjamquill is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, irritating meerkat.

Tifjamquill created gold three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifjamquill, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tifjamquill, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Tifjamquill's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Tifjamquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Always maintain humility during holy days.

4. Never fashion tools from bone.

5. Never write about asteroids.