Hamgidnurl is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humorless goblin.

Hamgidnurl created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hamgidnurl, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hamgidnurl, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hamgidnurl's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Hamgidnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

2. Never talk about chlorophyll.

3. Do not place cucumbers upon stone.

4. Always maintain purity during fasting days.

5. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Hamgidnurl in the centre of the settlement.