Hivsandflab is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, selfish wasp.

Hivsandflab created dark matter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hivsandflab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hivsandflab, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Hivsandflab's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hivsandflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle silver while unclean.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never sprint in the presence of snakes.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

5. Never tolerate cries in holy places.